Dear Student,
You now have children, a wife, and a mortgage. Money is tight due to the Great Recession. I see that you are doing the best you can as a father, but the party scene, coupled with responsibility, has caused you to sink into depression. Your nights and days have become full of ups and downs, and the downs last much longer.
Here! Keep taking this Adderall, Student. He will help pull you out of this depressive funk and will get you motivated once again. After all, they call him the “happy pill” because he will make you happy and euphoric concerning the future. And guess what? Adderall works even better if you snort him, as you already know.
Isn’t it amazing how proactive and productive Adderall has made you? I can tell that you now love sitting at your computer when he starts to kick in. You feel like he locks you into the day from the get-go. Your planning for the day has become more focused, and you seem to be more confident when setting appointments and making calls for your sales job. I told you that my friend Adderall would be a good drug for you. And guess what? You need it anyway because you have ADHD, which makes him perfectly fine to be using.
How great is it that, after you get your sales day lined up through the phone, you can now go meet with people while being in an Adderall-induced euphoric mindset. He leads you to feeling so happy and excited about having conversations with people.
I see that the Adderall has started to wear thin in your system, and you can feel his effects tapering. Remember, you have a 1:30 p.m. appointment, so go ahead and snort two more Addis around 1 so they kick in at the perfect time during your appointment. Don’t worry! Adderall won’t let you down! He will lead you back into those same euphoric feelings so you can put on your top performance during this meeting.
Student, you killed that appointment! Nice work! Just a reminder that your next appointment is at 4:30 p.m., so you have some time to relax since it’s only 3. I realize that you are not hungry at all, but maybe you should force some food down so you can feel good about snorting two more Addis at 4 p.m. Health is wealth, right? I don’t really care if you eat or not, but I think you will feel better about my plans for the remainder of the day if you do eat something. I need you feeling confident and proactive going into that 4:30 meeting so that we can keep this system of health going. Just ignore your current sweaty, uncomfortable situation, and go ahead and choke down the food so you can then put more Adderall back into your system.
I’m sorry that your 4:30 p.m. appointment didn’t go as well as your 1:30 meeting. I’ve made mention in the past concerning the side effects of Adderall. He will take you up quickly, but after continued use, you will only be chasing normal. Your memory will always remind you of how great the first dose was, but you will never capture the same euphoric feeling as you did during the first experience.
Now it’s 5 p.m., and you don’t feel well in your mind at all. It’s okay that you don’t want the day to end. It doesn’t have to, Student. Just keep working so you can take more Addis in the hope of feeling good again. Doesn’t the thought of going an entire sleepless night without taking Addis bother you? Maybe go eat again, and then around 6:30 p.m., you can snort your final two Addis for the day.
Student! How are you going to sleep tonight? How are you going to feel better going into the nighttime experience? You feel absolutely horrible, don’t you? I’m sorry for how dark your thinking is and how there seems to be no hope for the future. Who needs hope anyway? What about taking my friend Opiate to help you with this Adderall comedown? How can you get some pain pills? What if you went to your mom’s or grandparents’ to get some? You can tell them you hurt your back. You can manipulate them into giving you some just like you have done in the past.
Oh, what a relief it is that you scored sixty Percocet 10s from your grandma. Student, have I told you how good of an actor you are? Don’t you feel so much better about things? Your brain is back to a state of equilibrium. The Percocet actually lifted you similarly to the Adderall, only in a more relaxed, sedated way. Look how happy you are and how good you are feeling. You should be even happier about the fact that you have 57 left.
Your Fake Friend,
The Devil
