By Dustin Hawkins
Maybe it’s time for us to realize that we aren’t as smart as we think we are and that there just might be others who have been playing well in the game who have some good advice for us. The loud talk to mask our insecurities must go, or we will stay scared and in hiding behind our substances. The know-it-all talk in the presence of those who are more competent than us on a subject must go as well, because the one who always thinks he’s right on any given subject isn’t coachable. Even if we are right, it does us no good to argue our point of view. The better way would be to let others have the spotlight, even if you have the opportunity to overshadow them with your so-called profound dialogue.
How smart and special can we really be inside the hectic drug-addicted life? If we were really that smart, we might realize that simpler is better. Instead, we like to make things difficult through arguments and spiteful text messages. When someone gives us hard advice, we like to argue because surely that’s not true. We are different and special from everyone else, and no one quite understands what we are going through. Our way is the right way! Right?
In the words of C. S. Lewis,
Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. . . . It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10)
Think about it: If we would just soften up and allow others to give us advice, then life might start to change for the better. We don’t have to be the one who is on top and in control all of the time. We can let others have the light, right? The competition inside of us toward others must die so that we can live. But how do we gain an awareness of these pride character defects if we can’t see the truth about our behavior?
Here are some ideas to help you soften up:
1. Pray for Humility: We can pray for this humility and ability to see the truth about ourselves. The Lord promises, “If they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).
2. Express Gratitude: Flip the script, and turn your negative, prideful thoughts into positive ones. Go ahead and say these grateful thoughts out loud as positive affirmations. If you hear yourself say them, it often becomes true. Paul taught, “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost”(Romans 15:13).
3. Be Patient: Focus on not being so impulsive. Don’t let your loud and fast thoughts lead you to loud behavior. Remember, our game plan now is to see how slow we can go. You won’t be perfect, but your continuous effort can be. You can’t rush your progress in the School of Addiction because it’s a school of “one day at a time.” A little pressure on improving your character each day will suffice. We must “see that all these things are done in wisdom and order” so that our focus can remain on those things that matter the most, like our family and spiritual work (Mosiah 4:27).
4. Leave the Past Behind: You must leave the past behind! Dwelling on the past will keep us in our past addictive ways. And letting the past go will free us to experience a bright future. We will still have the memories of our past mistakes, but they will be softened and made easier to bear once we are secured to Christ’s foundation, “which is a sure foundation . . . whereon if men build they cannot fall” (Helaman 5:12).
5. Trust in God’s Perfect Judgment: The Savior said, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (Doctrine and Covenants 64:10). We can’t be takers of other people’s inventory. All we can do is pray for them and let God take care of the rest.
6. Place it on the Lord: Christ said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Because of Christ’s experience in the School of Addiction, He was given a perfect understanding of how to coach and empathize with us as we struggle with temptation and our character defects. “Nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance” (Alma 7:13). Therefore, we can place it all on Him, because He understands what we are going through. We can stop trying to control the game and let Him start coaching us on how to play in the game.
