So Tired
So Tired
A Story told by the one fighting the WAR
Part 3 of 4
“To be tired is to be drained of strength and energy; fatigued often to the point of exhaustion”
I'm so tired of this on and off battle; which tends to be, as of lately, more on then off. Why can't I just be normal? Why do these pills make me so squirmy and even shady? I can be doing so good - for so long, but then I tend to go into a rut; and this particular rut I just can't seem to get out of. I thought I was out of it, where all week I've been clear, free from any addictive substances; well, not any addictive substances, I guess my two extra strength five hour energy's in the morning would be considered addictive, since I'm drinking them back to back in hopes of feeling some sort of head change, and then not to mention my energy drink an hour later. But it's my consistent fall with Percocet that keeps me spinning in and out of the shadows, where I see a glimpse of light briefly, only to then be led back to darkness.It's almost as if it's all one big revolving door, where one addiction rotates in, while another addiction rotates out; however, not all of my addictions prove to be bad. I’m always addicted to the study of Christ and his gospel, for if I lose my passion and addiction for that, then there really is no hope for me to live a productive happy life. The gospel seems to help me feel that void that often times never seems to be fillable.It's not so much the actual Percocet in my system that brings such darkness, but the shady manipulative mindset that takes hold of me during those shadowed times. When I have the light of Christ in my heart, no such shady acts take place, for I'm charitable, helpful, friendly, patient, understanding, and even content. When the darkness fills my mind through my addiction, I become deceitful, manipulative, selfish, prideful, negative, and full of contention. The Dragon is truly a liar and a deceiver, so it does make sense that his substances make us more like he is, for that is his plan; to make us miserable as he is miserable.I want to be rid of all of these worldly substances so bad, but I'm beginning to lose hope that that will never be the case. This rut that I’m in currently, and have been in, has my mind shadowed with doubt; however, I'll never quit in my pursuit to finding peace and happiness. Through my constant struggle with the pills of this world, I have come to realize how fake they really are; these pills don't provide relief, they only cause heartache and pain. These pills take people away from their families, and even destroy families. These pills keep people trapped in immaturity, where they can't move because they can't learn, simply because they can't feel; and if they can't feel, they can't learn.Up and out of the rut I go, for I'm never going to quit fighting this WAR. Exercise and nutrition are so important, and the Dragon knows how important they truly are, which is why he helps us to forget to make them a constant priority. I have forgotten, which is why I've been in a rut; however I'm on my way out of the shadows, and back into the light where I can see life again. Life on the light path is so grand and magnificent, but it takes effort to remain on this path, because we humans are, by nature, "quick to forget." I'm not going to be quick to forget anymore. I’m going to be a man that remembers how great and lasting the path of lightness is, for I know that through this path of lightness the atonement will work completely in my life, where one day I'll be healed, and so will you.-Dustin Hawkins