Split Personality

Split Personality

When the battle enters your mind, you almost develop a split personality. You may come to find that your chase isn't going to work out, so you then try to go back to your spiritual ways but it's not that easy. You see, in your mind you had already committed. In your mind you had already taken the substance, and you would have most definitely taken the substance, only you didn't take the substance because you couldn't get the substance; and that's the only reason why you didn't relapse, only because of the mere fact that it didn't work out. But it did work out in your mind, so going back to your peaceful spiritual way of thinking becomes a challenge; therefore you become caught in the middle of two personalities.For instance, when you've been doing good for a long time - and you then let an addictive concept swell in your mind to the  point where you eventually act on that addictive concept, and even relapse; you then recollect the entire time of clarity you had since had, and realize that the Invisible Hand was cleverly directing you during that time; and now because of this relapse experience, you have come to the understanding that the Invisible Hand will grant you His Invisible Hand of help as long as you diligently strive to walk His obedient path; however, when you relapse - you notice that His spirit leaves you for a time because His spirit obviously cannot dwell in places that are not clean.You automatically can feel that His spirit has left you, where now all you feel is the fake worldly substance; or the ways of the world. When you come down, you are lower than ever because of the dark hole that has been left in you. This hole used to be filled with the Invisible Hands love, light and guidance, and has since diminished and darkened due to the relapse. The worldly substance that you gave way to uses the touch and go approach, for its effects cannot last, and are fake and even temporary. The worldly substance pushes the Invisible Hands light out, causing a false experience to occur; an experience that comes and goes quickly, leaving you now with nothing but what the world has to offer.Now it's up to you to feel that hole with the light once again; it's up to you to be diligent in your pursuit to getting that relationship back. You can't be caught in between, or  you'll feel nothing. You're either going hard towards the ways of the world, or you're going hard towards the ways of the Invisible Hand; because being caught in between only leads to confusion and eventually consistent participation in the ways of the world.When we are living the clear obedient life; or the life that the Invisible Hand would have us live, we are in tune to receiving a part of Him; a part of His love; a part of His kindness; a part of His charity; a part of His patience; a part of His intelligence; a part of His temperance; a part of all of His wonderful ways, which are the good ways, the magnificent ways, and even the happy ways.When we relapse, our tune becomes lost. The clear whisper that was once spoken into our minds, becomes blocked because of the selfishness that has now engulfed our way of thinking. The Invisible Hands way isn't the selfish way. His way is the charitable way. His way is to love thy neighbor, and to be in the service others. The substances of this world make us selfish, and when a relapse occurs we have to work ever so hard to get His love and light back into our heart.-Hawk