Never Goes Away

Never Goes Away

 When are you going to come to the realization that your want for Opiate is never going to go away. You've allowed too much of Him into your system; and you've had too many memories of him helping you to escape your own mind. 

 It starts off with a quick glimpse of what it would be like, which then the memory of the previous Wednesdays opiate escape comes flooding back into your mind, creating a detailed remembrance of the relaxation that Opiate provided you with. You recollect perfectly the euphoric thinking, and the conversations that unfolded. You see the relaxed person you were able to become - and how you could shut your mind down completely for a few hours, making it seem like you could live in the moment more fully with your children.

 Now your heart rate is elevated because you have let the thought travel to far. You almost feel high-in which you now start painting the picture of how this Wednesday night could go in the same direction as last Wednesday night if you were to put Opiate back into your system. You see how relaxed and happy you will be around your children; you see the proactive conversations unfolding with your family members; and now due to this thinking you now feel as if you've already obtained Opiate due the picture painting taking place in your mind. But that other side of you reminds you that you haven't obtained Opiate yet, which then the picture in your mind tells you that you most definitely need to make the Opiate escape happen tonight because you have already seen how the night needs to unfold; and the night must unfold in the way that you saw it because what you saw looked fun, euphoric, and very relaxing. 

 So now the only thing you can think about is the opiate escape - and how it is that you can come to make that Opiate escape happen. Now more memories flood in of how you used to make the opiate escape happen in the past. You think about who you can call, and what you can say in an effort to be persuasive to those who know you all to well. You think about pulling the back pain card, and then you even convince yourself that you do have back pain, now making the idea of you going to the doctor sound pretty reasonable. You think about family members who might have some, and how you might be able to convince them to give you some. 

 Your peace has now been completely stolen - and so has your spiritual self. You try to think about God-and you even try to study about God, but your mind is far away from God. You get down on your knees and pray because you don't want to make the decision you are about to make but you can't seem to get into the prayer experience because the thought of Opiate won't allow you to. Time seems to be moving by slower than ever before and you can't seem to direct your thinking elsewhere. Your kids want you to play with them but your actions come off as being fake and incomplete. You want so badly to be able to play with them but you just don't feel like you can do it on this night without having Opiate in your system. If you just had a few of the yellow Percocet 10's all would be well, but you don't have any yellow Percocet's 10's -so all isn't well. 

 To Be Continued....